Memories of a dateline missed.

Last year I missed the dateline for the "I Sleep Better With Chipster" contest because I just kept procrastinating the act of actually purchasing the Chipster chips to take photos with.

Thankfully, I still managed to attend my first ever Nuffnang party at the Borneo Baruk club due to my wonderful friends who got my tickets and enjoyed myself immensely.

To think that the horrible monster, evil demon, wretched ghoul, whose name is Procrastination nearly stopped me from getting to know the blogging world up close and personal.

That is why I will not miss the dateline this time.

Full speed ahead to the completion of my Lurve affair project!

I won't miss the dateline this time!

And as I was going through my archives, this was the blog post that I was supposed to put up for that "I Sleep Better With Chipster" competition which I never entered because I missed the dateline!

The Post:

The room was dark and cold, with a forbidding air about it. I just wasn't sure. How could I be? So many failed attempts, failed chances and broken hearts floating about in my sea of memories, I hesitated.

I just knew that this door was more than just a door to me - it was a temporal opportunity, the kind of rare chance that comes flashing by just once and then disappears into the dark, black void, never to be heard of again. I knew that this was one thing I had to do for myself, the one thing that I deserved after all these lonely years.

As I stood there, gathering my courage, the door knob stared mockingly at my shadowed visage. Throughout the course of my life, it had been nothing but ordinary; today, the knowledge that someone was on the other side of the door made the knob possess a menacing presence, a worthy adversary. It looked cold and unforgiving to the touch. Just thinking about touching it sent thoughts of it searing right through my naked flesh jolting through my mind.

"But I won't live my life in regret, not anymore," I muttered to myself under my breath.

Bare skin made contact with cold metal, and it sent a shiver down my spine and into the very deep, dark depths of my existence. I would have jumped if I did not hold myself back. I fought the reflex to pull away. I could hear the moving of small metal parts of shapes incomprehensible to me. There was no turning back now, I was past the point of no return.

The door creaked open and a dark figure appeared across the room, gently lying on the bed. I could see the curves of her silhouette. Her head turned and she seemed to make eye contact with me through the darkness of the room. Her stare threw my mind back to another time, another place, where the people that I've let close into my life hurt me again, and again, and again. Was it worth it to take that risk again?

Then it struck - amidst all the pain, the lies, the deceit, there was one in my life that never let me down. After being with her through the night, she still was there for me in the morning - she never walked away from me. She never failed to satisfy all my senses, as she made my skin tingle whenever I put my fingers inside her. She electrified my tastebuds when I licked my fingers which tasted of her. Her aroma just filled the room like magic and took me to heaven several times over. Did I mention the sounds she made as I ate her? She was crisp and fresh for my taking, always.

It was her again today. It was my one true love, the one worth sleeping with. I had nothing to fear.

Don't you sleep better with Chipster?

Don't let procrastination get the better of you!

Malaysia takes yet another giant step backwards... towards the dark ages.

The latest shocking news today:

Science And Maths In BM And Mother Tongue In 2012

PUTRAJAYA, July 8 (Bernama) -- The teaching and learning of science and mathematics in national schools will revert to the Malay language effective 2012.

Deputy Prime Minister Tan Sri Muhyiddin Yassin said the teaching and learning of the two subjects in Chinese and Tamil national-type schools would be carried out in their respective mother tongue.

Muhyiddin, who is also the Education Minister, said the cabinet today approved the suggestion by the ministry to empower the Malay language and strengthen the teaching and learning of the English language at all levels of schooling.

"This strategy was drawn up based on the study and monitoring carried out by the Education Ministry on the teaching and learning of science and mathematics in English since the policy was implemented in 2003," he said when making the announcement at the Education Ministry, here on Wednesday.

The first group of students who studied science and mathematics in the English language since Year One sat for their Ujian Penilian Sekolah Rendah (UPSR) last year.

--BERNAMA

Just when you thought they couldn't get any dumber and were actually doing something to improve the quality of our nation's very employable graduates, they go on to do this.

Just how would this strenghten the teaching and learning of the English language at all levels of schooling? Oh yeah I remember now - the vast majority of our science and mathematics teachers aren't even proficient in English to begin with.

Oh well, I guess there goes our Vision 2020 then. It was great knowing you.

Saturday Night Web-Surfing

Keeping late nights and then proceeding to wake up (reasonably) early and gymming during the afternoon does terrible things to your overall energy level.

Things so bad that you can't find the energy to do anything more than surf the web (and YouTube) aimlessly for yet another comedy fix while everyone else is out partying.

But I guess surfing the web for comedy can be worthwhile when you find links to great gems like these:

1. Awesomely Bad (and Funny) Student Responses to Test Questions
Now this is a real gem! I have seen a couple of these responses before in forwarded emails, but I have never seen so many awesome ones compiled together on a long list like this!

Here's a sample!


2. 14 Painfully Funny Firework Fail Videos
Fireworks and teenagers who lack judgment always seem to come together to produce real lulz. Seriously.

Just check this out and you'll see why (definitely not for the faint of heart)!



Told ya so!

3. The Best Karangan Ever
This is just so awesome that I'm just going to repost it here. I know it is quite old but this is for all those people out there who have not read it yet!

Enjoy!

Karangan budak darjah 4
Pagi itu pagi minggu. Cuaca cukup sejuk sehingga mencapai takat suhu beku. Sebab itu saya tidak mandi pagi sebab air kolah jadi air batu dan air paip tidak mahu keluar sebab beku di dalam batang paip. Pagi itu saya bersarapan dengan keluarga di dalam unggun api kerana tidak tahan sejuk. Selepas itu emak saya mengajak saya menemaninya ke pasar. Tetapi saya tidak mahu.

Selepas emak menikam perut saya berkali-kali dengan garfu barulah saya bersetuju untuk mengikutnya. Kami berjalan sejauh 120 kilometer kerana pasar itu letaknya 128 kilometer dari rumah. Lagi 8 kilometer nak sampai pasar saya ternampak sebuah lori kontena meluru dengan laju dari arah belakang.

Dia melanggar emak saya. Emak saya tercampak ke dalam gaung. Dia menjerit “Adoi!”. Lepas itu emak saya naik semula dan mengejar lori tersebut. Saya pun turut berlari di belakang emak saya kerana takut emak saya melanggar lori itu pula. Pemandu lori itu nampak kami mengejarnya. Dia pun memecut lebih laju iaitu sama dengan kelajuan cahaya. Kami pula terpaksa mengejar dengan lebih laju iaitu sama dengan dua kali ganda kelajuan cahaya. Emak saya dapat menerajang tayar depan lori itu. Lori itu terbabas dan melanggar pembahagi jalan lalu bertembung dengan sebuah feri. Feri itu terbelah dua.

Penumpang feri itu yang seramai 100 orang semuanya mati. Pemandu feri itu sangat marah. Dia pun bertukar menjadi Ultraman dan memfire pemandu lori. Pemandu lori menekan butang khas di dalam lori dia..lori itu bertukar menjadi robot Transformer. Mereka bergaduh di udara. Emak saya tidak puas hati. Dia pun terus menyewa sebuah helikopter di Genting
Highlands dan terus ke tempat kemalangan. Dia melanggar pemandu feri yang telah bertukar menjadi Ultraman itu.

Pemandu feri itu terkejut dan terus bertukar menjadi pemandu feri semula lalu terhempas ke jalanraya. Pemandu feri itu pecah. Pemandu lori sangat takut melihat kejadian itu. Dia meminta maaf dari emak saya. Dia menghulurkan tangan ingin bersalam. Tetapi emak saya masih marah. Dia menyendengkan helikopternya dan mengerat tangan pemandu lori itu dengan kipas helikopter. Pemandu lori itu menjerit “Adoi..!” dan jatuh ke bumi. Emak say menghantar helikopter itu ke Genting Highlands. Bila dia balik ke tempat kejadian, dia terus memukul pemandu lori itu dengan beg tangannya sambil memarahi pemandu lori itu di dalam bahasa Inggeris.

Pemandu lori itu tidak dapat menjawab sebab emak saya cakap orang putih. Lalu pemandu lori itu mati. Tidak lama kemudian kereta polis pun sampai. Dia membuat lapuran ke ibu pejabatnya tentang kemalangan ngeri itu. Semua anggota polis di pejabat polis itu terperanjat lalu mati. Orang ramai mengerumuni tempat kejadian kerana ingin mengetahui apa yang telah terjadi. Polis yang bertugas cuba menyuraikan orang ramai lalu dia menjerit menggunakan pembesar suara. Orang ramai terperanjat dan semuanya mati.

Selepas itu emak saya mengajak saya ke pasar untuk mengelak lebih ramai lagi yang akan mati. Di pasar, emak saya menceritakan kejadian itu kepada penjual daging. Penjual daging dan peniaga-peniaga berhampiran yang mendengar cerita itu semuanya terkejut dan mati. Saya dan emak saya terus berlari balik ke rumah. Kerana terlalu penat sebaik saja sampai di rumah kami pun mati. Itulah kemalangan yang paling ngeri yang pernah saya lihat sebelum saya mati.

And that's just some of the lulz that I caught tonight. (:

Now I'll just have to catch up on some sleep so I'll be wide awake for the Cheer 2009 finals tomorrow.

Sleep is good,
Hamlet's Hero.

The reason I should be on the MTV blog squad!

Because... I am also secretly...

LORD GAGA!

Can't read my Poker Face!

I recently decided to join the MTV blogging contest and I really thought hard of something that would give me an advantage against the other contestantants and Chuan figured that we should just stick to our unconventional craziness.

And so unconventional craziness it was!

Watch our Poker Face MV (with a big shiny MTV in it)!

Shooting the video was extremely tiring work and now I can safely say that I can now better empathize with the stress movie producers go through in the process of producing a movie!

I hope you guys like the video!

And just a little extra, my written application for the MTV blogging competition!

Being a successful artist is all about playing the fame game - sex, drugs, money and scandals. Comment. (they make it sound so much like an essay question!)

Being an artist may seem straightforward enough to those not in the industry - all you got to do is to just come up with a hit song, a really good one, and you'll be way up there, a star.

But the fact is that in this dog eat dog world, skill and talent in music just isn't enough. You may have the grooviest beats that are more fun to ride than anybody's discostick, but if nobody out there knows
who you are, you're just that - yet another nobody.

That's why I believe playing the fame game is so important - artists need it to be heard. An artist singing in a quiet forest is a nobody in this fast paced modern jungle that we live in.

I understand this very vital fact because a blogger is not too different from the artistes you see on singing on MTV - our popularities and henceforth, our success - is directly dependent on how popular and
in demand we are. And to rise to the top, the fame game, not unlike the one played by our dear Paris Hilton in her one (sexy) night in Paris, would help so much.

I believe in the fame game also because I vehemently disagree that it's just sex, drugs, money and scandals. Sex, drugs, money and scandals alone isn't fame, but just notoriety.

To be a truly successful artist, you would have to play the fame game well because it is also about being the best and most outstanding version of yourself that you can be. Everyone around you is going to be
able to sing and come up with some catchy tune, but if you observe the true legends, you can see that they play the fame game so well that their lives become their true masterpieces that live on through the
ages.

Fame all comes down to a mysterious mixture of both creativity and raw bravery to do the things that make one legendary - be it being the fastest metal shredder in the world; or the one to amaze his audiences with an amazing 45° anti-gravity tilt; or coming up with THAT dance that everyone seems to know.

In this ever shrinking world where new artistes come and go at an ever increasing pace playing the fame game isn't something extra that artistes can do without anymore – it's a pure necessity, if you want to reach the top that is.

And that's enough trying to sound intellectual for me.

I believe that YOU, the one reading this document right now, trying so hard to look for the next generation of deserving MTV bloggers, deserves a much needed break from reading the vast amount of boring application letters which I believe you had to wading through for quite some time before you got to this one.

And so, this is my little treat from me to you. (And the best part is that considering an applicant for position rates very highly on possible reasons to visit YouTube during working hours)

It is MTV related, created by this blogger here, and I sincerely hope is entertaining enough for someone in MTV to enjoy!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZKrLMk3BYLk

I swear that the link I provided is safe and does not contain any LOL cats or RickRolls. Cross my heart.

Or if you should feel strongly against visiting that link, please pop by my blog as I have recently written an MTV related blog post that should be of serious interest to you, the reader.
Really hope that at the very least, I helped brighten your day and know that should you be the benevolent being to put such faith in me and choose me as the next member of your distinguished blog squad, I will go beyond the call of duty to do the craziest, funniest things in the name of MTV.

Promise!

Hope to hear from you soon,

Kevin Chan
A.K.A. Hamlet's Hero
and also
A.K.A. Lord GaGa (only in that one YouTube video of course)

who blogs at

http://hamletshero.blogspot.com

I really hope that this application will succeed!

Keeping my fingers crossed for an email from MTV,
Lord GaGa.

***

Edit: OMG I so didn't realise that my previous StandOut post was discussed on a lowyat.net forum thread!

Here's the thread http://forum.lowyat.net/topic/1053295

It's so funny to be the target of these very real internet personality disorders! HAHHAHAHA!

Thriller

Thriller is playing on Hitz.fm right now and it just feels so surreal.

Michael's not just a man dressed in a zombie suit today, he's really dead this time.

And his voice is still everywhere to be heard.

Night creatures calling, the dead start to walk in their masquerade

There's no escaping the jaws of the alien this time

(They're open wide)

This is the end of your life

- Thriller

Guess there's no escape for him this time. Life's unpredictable, life it to the very fullest.

Transformers!

These here have to be the very best Transformers fan-vids that I have seen on YouTube. If only the scriptwriters of these fan-vids wrote the script for the newest movie.







Caught the latest movie on Tuesday with all the awesome Nuffnang people and must say that although the action (and Megan Fox) was totally awesome (even though there was a littleeeee too much of Megan running, and panting... but who am I to complain?), the plot could have been so much better, and the Fallen should have been so much more badass.

Oh well, the movie still had Megan Fox in it to make up for all that.

Why is it...

Why is it that you sometimes have to lose something before you realize that it means something important to you?

Why is it that things seem to come easier when you don't need them, and remain elusive when you really want them?

Why is it that women can't make up their minds?

Some things we'll never know the answer to, but they definitely do make life seem more so mysterious, don't they?

They make me feel like a three year old kid, taking his first peek into the mysterious and wonderful world outside the window, where everything is new and fascinating.

Instead of frustration, anguish and irritation, maybe all we need is to have those three-year-old eyes again, and look at life's issues with a fresh sense of wonder and excitement. And magically, it all looks better.

Like one big playground.

If only I could feel this way about the gym.

Damn, if I felt the way the Arnold felt about the gym I would be way bigger than I am today!

Arnie:

The greatest feeling you can get in the gym, or the most satisfying feeling you can get in the gym, is the pump.

Let's say you train the biceps, blood is rushing to your muscles and that's what we call the pump.

Your muscles get a really tight feeling, like your skin is going to explode any minute and it's really tight it's like someone's blowing air into it, into your muscles.

It just blows up and feels different, it feels fantastic.

It's just as satisfying to me as coming is, you know? As in having sex with a woman and coming.

So can you believe how much I am in heaven?

I'm like getting the feeling of coming in the gym; and I'm getting the feeling of coming at home; I'm getting the feeling of coming backstage when I pump up, when I pose in front of 5000 viewers, I get the same feeling that I am coming day and night!

I mean, it's terrific, right? So you know, I'm in heaven.

*BEAMS*

How come it doesn't feel like coming day and night for me? WHY?