Monday, November 30, 2009

Of ninja assassins and bad plots.

As some of you know, I am nearly done with my exams and have decided to take the greater part of the week off and go back home for some much needed tender loving care.
Yup, even us spartans need a nice break every now and then.

So being back in the land where it costs less than RM10 to watch a movie in the cinema, I just had to as it has just been so long since I last watched a movie.

So we went to catch a movie at the nearest cinema. Twilight was showing, but Yi Ting would hear no word of it, so we ended up watching the most macho movie of the lot - NINJA ASSASSIN!


It looks pretty good here!

It looked like a really good guy movie - lots of blood, violence and gore. And how can you go wrong with AWESOME NINJAS? Seriously?

So we caught the movie.

The movie has to be about more than Korean pop stars and their nicely toned bodies... right?

And you know what, it sucked. It bombed.

IT HAD NO PLOTTTT!!!

Watching the show was like: blood, kill, fight, blood, kill, fight... rinse and repeat the formula a couple of times, with a bit of sexual tension thrown in and you have the complete mess of what Ninja Assassin is.

Did you realize that I missed out any mention of a reasonable plot whatsoever?

Yeah, even though I watched the "making of" just a couple of hours earlier and heard that the show had one of the "deeper" plots that one of the veteran actors worked with, the movie still had a paper thin plot. You would get better plots reading my little 9 year old brother's essays. Seriously. It really makes you wonder what kind of movies the actor that made that comment has been working with.

Anyway, as my buddies and I were having our usual post-movie discussion session, I kinda realized that it's pretty amazing that a big Hollywood movie with a multimillion dollar budget had such a terrible plot. Isn't the plot the VERY FIRST THING that the director has to show to the producers and investors to secure financing for the movie?

How did anyone agree to put down money for such a plot?

So I guess this is what more and more directors and producers are doing these days to secure funding from their studios and investors:
"Yup, you have all that and you know what? I'm going to throw in a half-assed looking chick whose breasts can be used by the hunky male character as a bouncy cushion. It's going to sell for sure."

(I'm not kidding about the breast-cushion bit, watch the show for it! Serious LOL!)

If only it could be so easy for me to ask for a raise... or even a room in NTU.

And what's worse is that the scriptwriter was probably paid quite a substantial sum for such a shitty story which he probably wrote in the brief time he was squeezing out a crap in the toilet one fine morning. That's probably all the effort he put into it as the majority of the effort was definitely put into squeezing his morning crap out.

Oh well, enough negativity. At least now I know that even if all fails, I can always write scripts for Hollywood.

We all have to take a dump in the morning, don't we?

2 comments:

chris_lim said...

Lol a funny review. Gonna use this to shoot my gf who is a crazy fan of Rain.

Kevin Chan said...

Hahaha, hope it works!