Saturday, May 24, 2008

What Women Want #2: The Chase

I keep telling the guys I meet not to throw themselves at the women they meet for a very good reason - it makes it too easy for the women. Why is that a bad thing, you ask?

It's simple - women enjoy the chase as much (if not more) then we guys do.

What would you treasure more, something cheap you bought at the store, or a trophy that you had to put in thousands of hours of blood, sweat and tears training to achieve. If you answered the former, you're just weird. Seriously.

Anyway, most of us would treasure something that we've put in a considerable emotional investment much more then something that came to us easily. Similarly, girls would also treasure a guy that they have to work to get much more then one who just jumps into their hands.

Hamlet's Hero lesson #3: A woman would treasure a man that she had to work to get much more than a guy who was just too easy.

Yes, it's a fact - women LOVE the chase. They thrive on it! Why else do you think that romance novels spend so much time elaborating on how the heroine manages to 'tame' the savage male hero?

By dropping subtle hints that you're interested, instead of going all out to declare your love for her at the beginning, it makes the chase so much more exciting. Women in general analyse their relationships with men to the Nth degree and they can indeed pick up subtle hints men drop really well. The only problem is that men usually are nothing but subtle! We're extremely blunt and frank creatures! One way of building attraction is by giving the girl the opportuinity to play 'detective' for a while and let her try to figure out if you're really into her. But don't do this forever okay? Suh Ming would be quick to add here that if you would overdo this and do it too long, you'll end up causing the girl to give up on you and move on to better prospects.

Yes, don't overdo it, but at the same time, don't do without it! Being excessively nice and straightforward at the beginning just totally kills the attraction that all the guessing games are supposed to bring about.

So, don't spoil the whole journey of the hunt for her by being too direct with your love and affection for her by being all too nice at the beginning, just hint at it and keep her guessing. She'll love you for it with you on her mind all night (provided you're not a jerk who's just doing that to lead her on without actually wanting to have a proper relationship with her).

As I said earlier, this game needs to be played, just don't do it for so long that she gives up.


There still are a lot of things that I need to clarify, but that's what future posts are for right?

This post was originally supposed to be a lot longer, but I've cut this one short as I've got quite a bit on my head right now. Which school to go to, which course to choose... It's all weighing down on me pretty hard right now as I've only got about a week more to decide.

Yeah, it's so bad that I can quite clearly recall a dream where I was debating with a prominent senior politician about how stupid he was, leading a crusade against our dear Datin in school and suing a girl who was going on and on about how I was 5 minutes late for a date in court.

Yes, my dreams can get pretty weird when I'm stressed up and tired.

But before I finish this, I really want to thank all of you who have bothered to comment on my posts. It has been a great joy to read your comments and it's nice to see that this blog has brought about quite a bit of discussion. So please comment! Be it that you think that what I write is total nonsense or the holy writ, I want to hear what you think! (But just be sure to read through my arguments first lah!)

That's it for today,

Hamlet's Hero signing out.

P.S. : Tysern came back from Melaka and he wants the world to know. Check him out!


ern sheong said...

i think this would also be true vice versa... if a man has to work very hard to "chase" the girl, the man would treasure the girl more than ever. especially if the circumstances were against the odds, etc. and yeah some girls are shy, so they might not be so open and go as you said, subtly and slowly

That CJC Girl said...

I think...

this series of posts have been most misogynistic and insulting. Not only is it so horribly generalised, your logic just doesn't click.

I can sum up what girls want in a sentence: stop being an idiot and fucking about. That by and large is what we want.

I still love you though, btw.


Kevin Chan said...

Ern Sheong,

Yeah, this isn't just true for women, it's true for people in general. We would fight harder to keep what we worked hard for. (:


How is it insulting? I may be wrong, but please tell me how la dear. Only writing about certain general principles that work for me.

And I love you too.

I (heart) Bern (:

Kevin Chan said...

.... and how the hell can I be misogynistic when you know I love you so much la Bern?


That CJC Girl said...

haha because this is truly the most generalized piece of dating information I've seen, even on the amazing intarwebs.

mainly because a lot of it isn't true and the stuff that is true is seriously exagerrated.

my suggestion? conduct interviews with as many girls as possible. ;)


Anonymous said...

".... and how the hell can I be misogynistic when you know I love you so much la Bern?"

Appeal to emotion!!!!!

Aw man I miss our KI lessons...

On the topic. I would infer that What Women Want is actually an off-shoot from strong inner game.

If you respect yourself you won't let women treat you like the "nice guy" ... I mean "floormat" (the term "nice guy" is misleading imho) and trample all over you.

If you're generally cool, friendly, and outgoing and thus have a decent selection of females to choose from, then you'd naturally be "hard-to-get". Not because you're purposely being so, but because you ARE - there's too many skirts vying for your attention for you to simply give it up easily. Supply and demand, it's e-fucking-conomics.

I'm not saying all these 'love-tactics' do not help. They do. But ultimately they're only emulating a naturally confident and desirable male. Trainer wheels, until you grow your alpha fangs.

That's my hypothesis, until it can be falsified and a new one proposed. Whee Popper!

chaiminhuei said...

Love is not a game. And love is NOT attraction. Love is an ability, an expression of deep concern for another person.

Back to the question I asked in the first series: "How can an UNATTRACTIVE man and an UNATTRACTIVE woman fall in love with each other and live happily ever after?"

It's because they chose to. They continually decide to sacrifice for the other.



Only play chase with someone you are already settled with. Only then, will this game of attraction, be justified.

Anonymous said...

I dont know man. Never take advise about a girl from another girl. Thats what i found out a long time ago. And i dont agree with you there chanminhuei when u said DON'T PLAY CHASE WITH ANOTHER. ONE OR BOTH PARTIES MAY GET HURT IN THE PROCESS.
Truth is, this IS what makes people fall in love. You cant just see someone and decide yr gonna fall in love with that person, and sacrifice for one another. Thing is you cant even fall for someone without being attracted to that person in the first place!!
Though i dont agree with some of yr previous ideas, gotta say i agree 100% with you on this one kev. The chase (with you responding, but in subtle way) is what makes people get that romantic feeling of being on cloud 9, or staying awake in bed thinking "does he love me, does he love me not" kinda thing.

Bea said...

this stuff looks suspiciously ripped off from The Game by Neil Strauss.

If you're gonna plagiarize, do it from a more obscure book.

Suh Ming said...

hmmm, i do agree with you on this one. but this series is starting to get a little offensive to girls. we are very unique creatures after all. you should read what eswhy said in my tagbox. I am just going to copy and paste here.

Eswhy Tan says:
it's really easy to understand women. men just choose to think we're complicated. therefore, we are. it's all just a product of their own could be said that women are PROBABLY more complicated than men, but it only seems that way because the male brain is wired to see things in black&white & the female brain is designed to see things in colours.

I think all of the girls will agree with her. =).

Kevin Chan said...


Aww you poor girls! Hahaha. Nah, you girls don't have to bother with this, this series is just an aid to help us colour blind guys see more in shades of colour, savvy?


And if you write about history, would you be plagiarizing the textbook?

Yes, some of my ideas and the ideas presented in that book may overlap, but I do not plagiarize. The work presented here is solely my own. (:

Cheers people!

Le Raine said...

No offense, but I somewhat agree with Bern. Your entry portrays women as flighty, unappreciative clueless airheads who necessarily have a rigid idea of romance and men. You're being terribly presumptuous and arrogant.

I personally have fallen in love with a man who cut the chase and was upfront about his interest in me. It was a refreshing change from all the floundering boys inspired by Strauss' The Game thinking that deliberately not replying my texts/calls would make them a lot more appealing. Truth: I have better things to do with my time than play coy. The only reason a man/woman shouldn't be "too direct" with love and affection is if he/she tends to be a bit of an obsessive fuck.

What women really want? A nice, intelligent, mature man who will want her for her, and not toss her under ridiculous stereotypes and patronize her according to equally ridiculous rules.

Also about your "guys should not pay on the first date" thing. That's a perfectly fine principle to have - if we lived in a perfectly fine world where women didn't have to shave their legs or use cosmetics to look pretty. Think about it.

Having said that, I think you're a nice guy. But if you want to keep those women you love - like Bern - you should probably get to know them a lot better. :)

Kevin Chan said...


You nailed it on the head on the mature man part, but there's an inherent problem with that piece of advice - what does mature mean?

And that's why I discuss stereotypical patterns of female behavior that are observed frequently enough to become recurring issues to us men.

We can't possibly discuss every different woman in the world right? Women are way to varied for that, like you put it. But I still believe that there are some things common to most women, like there are things common to most men.

Thanks for dropping by! Your blog is an awesome read and I do pop by from time to time. (: Do keep returning to comment!

The Beautiful Kind said...

It is TRUE - as a sex blogger I have men asking to have sex with me ALL THE TIME and if they have to ask, I'm not interested. It's the men who make me WANT something from them that captivate me. Usually I have sex on the first date and my current beau wouldn't have sex with me for 2+ months, so the anticipation was tremendous and delicious. Good move! Takes patience and maturity.

Aronil said...

actually we do like the chase.. but on the other hand.. for me i hate it when the chase starts to go no where. The guy has to know when to just go for the 'kill' pun intended. hahaha. Beating around the bush on just calling sweet hearts and what not is fun for a while, but not when you things should be confirmed. You know?

Jon said...

If your man is pushing you away and acting distant

Or if the guy you’re after isn’t giving you the time of day...

Then it’s time to pull out all the stops.

Because 99% of the time, there is only 1 thing you can say to a standoffish guy that will grab him by the heartstrings-

And get his blood pumping at just the thought of you.

Insert subject line here and link it to: <=========> Your ex won’t be able to resist?

Once you say this to him, or even send this simple phrase in a text message...

It will flip his world upside down and you will suddenly find him chasing you-

And even begging to be with you.

Here’s what I’m talking about: <=========> Is your man hiding something? He may need your help?

Thanks again.