Sunday, January 27, 2008

Dear diary...

The worst feeling in the world is loving someone who can't, or won't, love you back.

It's thinking of someone who you know doesn't have you in her thoughts. It's blocking her on MSN and resisting picking up your phone because you want to talk to her, see her, as much as you can. It's when you do the most stupidly heartbreaking things, when you wish desperately hard and swear to give up such-and-such, if only. You become the ultimate slave by your treacherous heart's own bidding. You're on a seesaw in an empty playground. Everything that you want to say or do echoes within the quiet walls of never-to-be.

But then you wonder if you'd rather never have met this person. And you know the answer. And that's also when you realize something very important about yourself, something you'll always remember, something I can't exactly write about because then it would be lost. But you'll know it, I'm sure, because everyone I know who has loved and lost knows it. It's the big secret you'll never be able to spill because you never will find the words to express it.

I wish you bluebirds in the spring. I wish you a lemonade in July, and a shelter from the storm. And most of all, when snowflakes fall, I wish you lots and lots of love :)

Sorry Leraine, for using your words, but I cannot express how true your words are to me and how they just echoed deep into my being.

To the little girl in my diary, know that every night, I'm still wishing you all the love in the world.

P.S. : I seem to be meeting people from the class of 6I, 2000 all the time these days! Bumped into Khai Ying (from 6I), Samantha and Han Chung today at driving school. It really is a small world we live in these days.